Tips for Gay Dating and Gay Hookups

Queer Threesomes 101: A Checklist for You and Your Partner

It's finally happening! After ages of simply fantasizing about it, you've finally talked to your partner about having a threesome, and he was just as interested in the idea as you were. Of course, you're excited, not to mention eager to take the next step and get right down to business.

Don't make the mistake of simply diving right in at the earliest opportunity though. Threesomes are just like anything else worth doing in life in that planning things out properly makes for a much better experience all around. The following are just a few of things you'll want to keep in mind.

Come to an Agreement on Ground Rules

Picking out a guy together the next time you hit your favorite bar and letting things unfold spontaneously may sound sexy, but you really want to talk things out first. Communication is key when it comes to any sort of bedroom experimentation that involves your partner, especially when you'll be involving someone new in your dynamic, so you'll need to set some ground rules.

Thoroughly talk things out as far as what you're each comfortable with, both as individuals and as a couple. Make sure you cover things like whether or not either of you will be penetrating the third guy and whether or not he'll be spending the night. It's also a good idea to agree that either of you can stop the encounter cold at any time and for any reason at all -- no questions asked -- if you're just not as into it as you thought you would be.

Make Sure You Choose the Right Guy

No matter how eager you and your partner are to try getting it on with a new guy, resist the urge to simply hop into the sack with the first option that comes along. If the experience is truly going to be everything it can be for both of you, it's important to take your time deciding who gets to be the lucky guy so you're both genuinely attracted to him.

Sit down with your partner and take turns discussing qualities you'd each like the third guy to have. Then settle on a type you'd be equally down to get dirty with. Spending a little time browsing possibilities together on Grindr or GuyHop can be a great way to get a feel for how you'd each respond to actual individuals as well.

Be Up Front with Your Third

In addition to communicating thoroughly with each other before you get ready to plan the actual deed, you need to communicate with the third guy once you do pick someone. Consent is important when it comes to any sexual encounter, so be up front about anything the other guy might need to know so he understands what he's signing up for.

Are both of you brand new to threesomes, or has at least one of you had one before? Let him know if you're new to this in advance so he realizes in advance that things might be a little awkward at first, as well as understands there's a chance you might decide not to go through with things at the last minute. Let him know if there are any special boundaries or concerns either of you has as well.

Communicate Afterward as Well

Let's say the night of your threesome experiment has officially come and gone. You both saw things through, and to the best of your knowledge you both had a good time. Don't simply drop it as a conversation topic. It's actually really important that you're both candid about how you feel so you're on the same page going forward.

Threesomes can be seriously amazing, but they're not for everyone. If one or both of you didn't really care for the experience, it's important to be honest about it. If one of you absolutely loved it and the other didn't, it's also important that the one who didn't isn't made to feel bad about it. Sometimes couples try things in bed that don't turn out to be a fit, and that's OK.

Keep an Open Mind

You may also want to keep in mind that it can take a couple of tries to get into a groove when you're trying something brand new in the sex department. Even with lots of planning and communication beforehand, first time threesomes come with a learning curve, so don't simply decide they aren't worth it because your first one didn't quite measure up.

If both of you are down to try it again, definitely do so. Use what you both learned from your first experience to make sure the next time is closer to what you were hoping for. It won't be long before things are clicking in exactly the way you'd hoped.